Hunting at Chuck E. Cheese

Took the kids to Chuck E. Cheese yesterday and of course Mason wants to play all the gun shooting games. It's bad enough he's firing at enemy warships and enormous arachnids but they even have a hunting game now where he shoots at animals. I said to him, "Oh that's so sad, look, you're shooting at wolves and other animals!" And then he says, "Well we have to eat something!"

Talking to my sister...

I am 5 months pregnant and when Mason wants to talk to his sister, he asks me to open my mouth because he thinks the best way to get through to her is to shout down my throat. After yelling some stuff into my mouth, he asks me if she's kicking now.

He also thinks she's going to burst out of my belly button when she comes out! Can you imagine!!!!

Trip to the Farm

Mason's class went on a field trip to the local farm. He came home and excitedly told me, "I touched sheep, fed chickens and used a Port-O-Potty!!! It doesn't flush but has a chemical that makes it not smell."

Boy Or Girl?!

Back in the late 70s and 80s, when my younger brothers and I were born, our parents didn't have the luxury of finding out through ultrasounds whether they're having a boy or a girl. My dad was sure my mom carrying a boy while I was in utero, but (they tell me) he was just as happy to find out after I was born that I was a girl, hee hee.

With my brother's birth, the nurse comes into the waiting room to my eagerly anticipating dad and says, "Congratulations! You have a son!" And my poor dad, with his mediocre English and coursing adrenaline, is utterly confused and replies, "Is it a boy or a girl?!" And the nurse replies, "A son!" And poor dad asks again, "Boy or girl??" Until finally, the nurse says, "Boy!" And my elated dad finally understands - son means BOY!

Letter of the Day - K

So I was sitting in on Mason's Circle Time at preschool and the teacher asked the class, "What words begin with the letter K?" All the kids offered answers like Koala and Kite. As she was writing the words on the whiteboard, one child offers, "Killer Whale!" "Sorry, Killer Whale is two words," says the teacher. "Kill!!!" shouts another child! "Kill starts with K!!"

They sure do know their K words.

Shit in the bed

Mason used to sleep with us when he was a newborn. He was constantly throwing up so I felt more comfortable with him closer.

One night, I woke up to feed him when I felt soft, warm stuff that could only be one thing - shit! It leaked out of his diaper! I picked him up and shouted, "Honey!!" "What?!" he replied, shocked that I had woken him. "Shit! On the bed!!" I said. "Where?!" he asked. "My side!!" I told him. "Oh," and he turned his back to me and went to sleep. I had to bust a towel out to lay down over the watery shit and sleep on because the husband wouldn't even wake up long enough for me to change the sheet!

Football(?) Date

I have never been a fan of Alternative music - I just don't get it. Happy pop with a good beat gets me going. Don't know much about football either.

I remember it was 1994, I was 16 and on the phone with a cute happa-boy from South Massachusetts. He was telling me about his motorcycle and how he just got his license and could pick me up for a date. "I have tickets for Green Day, want to go?!" I reply, "Oh, no thanks, I don't do football."

Take your boat back to...

In the 80's I was living in a town 15 minutes outside Boston, Massachusetts. Up the street from me was Bobby Watson. One day, I was sitting on the steps to my porch when he rode up on his scooter with another friend. "Why don't you take your boat back to China?" they asked me. I thought about it, kind of confused since that would be a damn far boat ride and said, "Oh yeah, my dad always talks about getting a boat, but I think we're only going to New Hampshire with it."

Washing Machine!

My poor aunt had only been in the country for a few months when she was taking her examination for a U.S. citizenship. During orals, she was asked a range of questions, but the one that stumped her was, "Who is the first president of the United States?" And she stammered..."Washing... Washing... Washing Machine!!" LOL, but she did end up passing! You just can't make that shit up.